10. DMX

24 04 2010

X almost counts as two problems.  I mean Jigga’s gotta worry about his well being as a friend, but he also has to worry about him wile’n out and robbing Jay.  You never know what that dude is gonna do.  He’s a fucking wild card.  Jay made beautiful music with X (Money, Cash, Hos), so he can’t abandon his homey.  Plus they’re both NY cats.  But, what the fuck is DMX doing?  Seriously.  Does anyone know?  I mean, he’s obviously barking, I know that…but where?  Imagine how stressful these questions are when the answer could be “your apartment”, or “jail, needing you to bail him out”.  How many dudes do you know who could equally be 1) in a church preaching, 2) pretending to be a federal officer, 3) making an album, or 4) completely blowing off a sold out concert.  Takes a rare man.  In the alphabet Z comes after X, but in real life it might be the opposite, so Jay watches his shit around Earl Simmons.

Add to FacebookAdd to DiggAdd to Del.icio.usAdd to StumbleuponAdd to RedditAdd to BlinklistAdd to TwitterAdd to TechnoratiAdd to Yahoo BuzzAdd to Newsvine





6. The Temperature of Coffee

22 03 2010

Those of you familiar with Jay-Z know that the guy spits hot fire.  You might not know that, like many of us, he also spits hot as fire coffee out of his mouth sometimes, because they make that shit hotter than the sun.  Jigga is not above the often unacknowledged fact that coffee from Starbu’s or McDiesels is always waaay too hot to drink right away and waaay too cold after you finally remember you bought it and wanted some.  This kind of coffee literally has two temperatures:  earth’s core or room temp.  Neither of these levels interest Jay.  To put it in rap terms that cup is either Jay Z Black Album level FIRE (approx 550°f) or the fourth DMX album level fire (approx. 74°f).  Why can’t we come in at a reasonable level?  How hard is that shit?

Quick story:  One time Jay was mad tired AND mad thirsty.  You know he wants to kill two birds with one drank so he tells his boy Bleek to grab him a fresh ass coffee from the ‘bucks.  Bleek even gets the order right this time, straight black coffee, and hits his man up with the mug.  Jay takes a swig(ga), realizes it’s hot as an early 90’s Adina Howard video, and spits that shit all over Dame Dash’s favorite white Rocawear sweats.  Boom!  Dame stops talking to Jay and starts hanging out with Jim Jones’s broke ass.  Coffee ruined not only a dynasty but The Dynasty (Roc la Familia).

That’s why he plays it safe with an iced coffee usually.  He doesn’t want his new bff Lebron dissing him to hang out with MIMS because he ruined ‘Bron’s white throwback MJ jersey.

(Comments bonus:  See if you can name a (Jay-Z Best Friend), who leaves Jay to hang out with a (Wack Ass Rapper), because Jay spit coffee on his white (Prized Item).)

Add to FacebookAdd to DiggAdd to Del.icio.usAdd to StumbleuponAdd to RedditAdd to BlinklistAdd to TwitterAdd to TechnoratiAdd to Yahoo BuzzAdd to Newsvine