6. The Temperature of Coffee

22 03 2010

Those of you familiar with Jay-Z know that the guy spits hot fire.  You might not know that, like many of us, he also spits hot as fire coffee out of his mouth sometimes, because they make that shit hotter than the sun.  Jigga is not above the often unacknowledged fact that coffee from Starbu’s or McDiesels is always waaay too hot to drink right away and waaay too cold after you finally remember you bought it and wanted some.  This kind of coffee literally has two temperatures:  earth’s core or room temp.  Neither of these levels interest Jay.  To put it in rap terms that cup is either Jay Z Black Album level FIRE (approx 550°f) or the fourth DMX album level fire (approx. 74°f).  Why can’t we come in at a reasonable level?  How hard is that shit?

Quick story:  One time Jay was mad tired AND mad thirsty.  You know he wants to kill two birds with one drank so he tells his boy Bleek to grab him a fresh ass coffee from the ‘bucks.  Bleek even gets the order right this time, straight black coffee, and hits his man up with the mug.  Jay takes a swig(ga), realizes it’s hot as an early 90’s Adina Howard video, and spits that shit all over Dame Dash’s favorite white Rocawear sweats.  Boom!  Dame stops talking to Jay and starts hanging out with Jim Jones’s broke ass.  Coffee ruined not only a dynasty but The Dynasty (Roc la Familia).

That’s why he plays it safe with an iced coffee usually.  He doesn’t want his new bff Lebron dissing him to hang out with MIMS because he ruined ‘Bron’s white throwback MJ jersey.

(Comments bonus:  See if you can name a (Jay-Z Best Friend), who leaves Jay to hang out with a (Wack Ass Rapper), because Jay spit coffee on his white (Prized Item).)

Add to FacebookAdd to DiggAdd to Del.icio.usAdd to StumbleuponAdd to RedditAdd to BlinklistAdd to TwitterAdd to TechnoratiAdd to Yahoo BuzzAdd to Newsvine

Advertisements

Actions

Information

6 responses

22 03 2010
New Jay-Z Problem: The Temperature of Coffee « The IIIrd World

[…] Quick story:  One time Jay was mad tired AND mad thirsty.  You know he wants to kill two birds with one drank so he tells his boy Bleek to grab him a fresh ass coffee from the ‘bucks….For the rest of the post click here […]

23 03 2010
kc

HAHAH. “earth’s core or room temp. neither of these levels interest jay.” highlarious.

24 03 2010
Stroud

Remember when Game (formerly known as “The Game”) started beefing with Jigga because Jigga spit hot as fire coffee on The Game’s “G-UNot” shirt? That shit was off

31 03 2010
Salt

Once upon a time, your boy Hov had a craving for Columbia’s other great export (and I am talking Coffee black of course cause Jay does it all black everything and he’s out of the other game). In the Building was “Coffee Beans” Beanie Siegel. Hov instructs his boy Bleek to grab him a fresh ass cup of joe. Bleek even gets the order right this time, straight black coffee, and hits his man up with a cup with cardboard paper around it. Jay takes a swig(ga), realizes it’s hot as a Bluray player sold out of a white van in Marcy son, and spits that shit all over BEANIE….Siegel was the name that they gave me’s favorite white Phillies jersey and State Property sweatpants. Boom! The BROAD STREET Bully stops talking to Jay and starts hanging out with G-G-G-G G-UNIT!!!!

3 06 2010
craze

/\/\/\ You WIN!!!

3 06 2010
roc aware

salt, best comment.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s




%d bloggers like this: